Health

My life since college graduation has been work. Nothing but. Occasionally I'd take advice from my friends and tag along on small trips or attend a small get together after normal business hours. But even while I did those things, I was constantly checking email, calling the office to check in, mortified that something would drop at the break-neck speed many in the advertising world worked at without even thinking. In a blink, 15 years passed and by some magical phenomenon or major miracle I have found myself on the other side - and immensely grateful for getting out.

My major complaint throughout my career was that I had knowlingly let myself go and completely disregarded my health since school. So in the spirit of embracing the new me, I returned to the gym, the point of so many afternoons all those years ago when I was younger, more fit and could eat whatever I wanted without a second thought. Oh how I miss those days now. Walking in I smelled that unmistakable aroma of rubber and sweat with a hint of stale fruitiness from the spilled energy drinks lightly misting the recycled tire floor tiles throughout the building. The fitness center is the midst of a major remodel, adding an entire floor for cardio-only. So walking up the stairs you could hear the sounds of hammers, saws and the stomping of steel-toed boots of the construction crew working to transform my new playground into a spacious oasis where I could no longer point the finger at unavailable equipment as an excuse to postpone breaking a sweat.

With my book in hand I headed to the Lifecycles for 30 minutes of 'random, level 5.' My butt still hurt from the day before, performing the same routine only on an upright stationary bike. The book, an important prop when going to the gym, is essential if you are forced to stay in one spot for an extended period of time. Otherwise you are staring into space or inadvertently making eye contact with others who use this environment to enhance their social circle. I can spend an hour at the gym without recalling one individual - a sign of success in the gym world.

As I was peddling away and reading my book club book, Shopaholic & Baby, I could see a man walking toward me out of the corner of my eye. Another awkward part of the story is the boss who stole my 401(k), and whose wealthy in-laws managed to expunge the records (as it was simply an unfortunate 'misunderstanding') is also a member of this gym. Not that I care. However I am expecting that one day I will run into the slime ball or his equally ethically barren wife at some point in the future. As I looked up from my book I was elated to see it was my friend's ex-husband, Dan. How I adore this man. He and Sarah were together for 20 years and over time grew apart. They divorced and two years later she is remarried and he is engaged and having the ceremony in Italy this summer. We chatted for ten minutes and I was brought up to speed on his latest life adventures. It's nice that through heartache and emotional turmoil both walked away happier people free of bitterness.

I hit the mats next and did my 200 sit-ups and deep stretches and headed home. This 'Project: Get My Body Back' was not going to be easy...

Baseline

Stating that my boss actually turned himself in is a bit generous. After ten months of promises that he was going to pay us back in one month, then two months, then....blah blah, our team discovered he had not just stolen from the small handful of us as we originally thought. He had stolen from everyone within the company who had ever contributed for over 18 months. For some reason this punch hit even harder as we all realized there was no way around it: the man we had worked so hard for all those years was nothing but an incompetent crook.

Now one would say this was obvious when the few of us discovered this transgression, but he repeatedly confirmed he was on it and taking care of it. When the breadth of the crime was exposed his story changed dramatically, "I had no idea this happened!", "I knew it happened in 2008, but not 2009" - you name it he said it. Slithering from one pile of nonsense to the next. As always his father in law (whom he hated more than anyone in the world) slapped down more cash to bail him out.

Now for a man of character, this might prove emasculating, demeaning, or even embarrassing. Not for him. When Daddy Morebucks infused his account once again with cash, he saw in the mirror a man who was the ultimate business man with cash in the bank and an expensive dinner in his future. Reincarnated once more.

Today I met with the Survivors (as we now call ourselves) and talked about how we were all doing. Some looking to change careers, one moving in with her boyfriend, one about to get married...it was all so...clean and real. A conversation free of outwardly wondering when the next screaming attack from our boss would be. One of genuine interest. Something so in-the-moment it almost felt like a new language I was learning. And I liked. it. But it will be a lot to learn. It's like coming up for air from a deep dive at the very last second where you think you're not going to make it and drown. We had survived. And we were all making up for lost time. Savoring each moment, one at a time. Rebuilding ourselves, brick by brick.

Walk the dog

For many, taking a dog for a walk is common place. In the dead of winter you put on your three layers of winter clothes, grab a leash and a handful of poop bags and off you go. It's a Saturday night and the mere thought of waiting in line for a table at a local restaurant and then hitting a movie, sandwiched with complete strangers for two hours, is just more than I can handle. We have two Italian Greyhounds, Gilbert and Ruby. The ideal dogs in that they love to cuddle, do not require being walked, and find their happiness on the sofa tucked underneath a warm down comforter. Aside from occasionally popping out to eat, drink and drain, they are content within their little bundle.

Tonight however I wanted to do something different. Tonight I was going to show my two little rug-rats how the other hounds live and take them out to see the holiday lights on an actual walk. Not that I think these two lovable little creatures with brains the size of raisins are going to embrace and relish the moment, but because I wanted to make them a part of the holiday experience out in the world.

I wrapped up the pups and threw on a coat and headed out. The air was cold and crisp. I took my first deep breath and felt ice cold air crawl up my nostrils, brush my cheeks and cleanse my thoughts. Gilbert took a deep breath only to gag and choke for almost half a block as his body was introduced to the shock of actual exercise. Ruby trailed a bit behind, with her head down and appearing very focused. After five blocks the three of us gained our rhythm and the walk was steady and smooth. Once we were on a roll, I started taking in the scenery around me.

My first observation was that no one closed their blinds. Every house had a clear view to the inside. As we slowly made our way down the sidewalks, I eavesdropped into strangers' lives, looking at the various scenes within each display. A twenty something sitting on the coach in front of a 55" flat screen TV watching Bridget Jones Diary, a family just sitting down to dinner, a woman sitting facing the window - with six watercolor paintings all trimmed in thick gold frames behind her - reading a book, all living their lives. As I passed each one, I imagined what their story might be, a mother of three preparing for the holidays making the family dinner, a girl curled up with a good book surrounded by the relics of her adventures thus far, a former member of the mafia on the witness protection program pretending to be a law-abiding citizen who pays their taxes and does an honest day's work. I wondered what set of circumstances brought them to their particular place in the world.

As we wound our way around the corner back towards the house I saw a scene that actually made me stop and gawk. A Tudor-style home with a vast pitched roof with various shades of red earth tone shingles and a two story living room window with a 10 foot tree lit up in the back ground. Milton Bradley itself couldn't have orchestrated a better photo-op. By the living room window was a table with a board game surrounded by eight people. As they sipped out of wine glasses and shook the dice in their hands with fevered excitement you could tell the anticipation was building - will it be snake eyes? a pair of sixes? what will it be? The player's heads would sweep back in laughter as they engaged in conversation while playing what seemed to be the best game ever made.

I have just been laid off - coincidently at the same time our team had the boss turn himself in to the DOL when we discovered our 401(k) contributions had never made it to our accounts. It had only been days, but it felt like a lifetime. Happily, the person I was for many years is being redefined. My hope is that the person who wants her friends and family to understand how much they mean to her will dominate over the career crazed idiot I had been for all those years. As this hope surfaced to my conscience once again, I realized that even two weeks ago I would not have able to even see this event. And by see it I mean really experience it, take in the significance of it. The joy life has to offer, the things in life we are blessed with having. I knew what I was asking for from Santa this year.....the ability to recognize joy and truly appreciate all that I have. Because it is a lot.